Hogwarts Countries
by Henio41
Summary: OOTP and on are ignored. 5th year Dumbledore decides to accept a couple of exchange students from all over the world, little does he know of the chaos that shall ensue... On hold for revisions and continuation
1. The Meeting

Disclaimer. I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND THE CHARACTERS TARYN, MEL, MATT, AND SAM!!!! NO ONE WHO SAYS OTHER WISE NEED NOT SPEAK AT ALL.

By: Henio

A/N Just to let you all know this is based off of my friend mel's dream from a couple of years ago. I have written it down and continued it whit her help. It does involve a relationship that has a minor and a teacher if that's not ur particular brand of vodka the u can leave now and ne'er return. If your still here then you may proceed.

Bye the bye this take place during Harry's fifth year but Mel, Taryn, Matt and Sam are all 16 going on 17 b/c the schools they come from don't have an equivalent for owls and dumbles is being a pain in the arse and not letting them take them during the summer so they can be placed in NEWT level classes. So they are 16 but in fifth year. If you have any questions just email me at henio22 yahoo . com Ja ne.

"Blah blah" talking

'blah blah' thinking

Ch 1 The Meeting

September First Authors' POV

"I fucking hate train rides," Taryn says as she passes through the barrier to Platform 93/4. "Why must we go by train? In Japan we went by portkey to school. This is gonna be a pain in my arse. Where is Mel? She is the only person that can make this horrid trip bearable."

Taryn continues to walk down the platform with her large trunk and empty cage, which seems to have a couple of raven feathers littering the bottom, rolling behind her. Not focusing on what is going on around her, Taryn bumps into some guy in weird muggle clothing. "Oops, sorry! I didn't see you there," says Taryn as she looks up to see this guy dressed in tight black leather pants with a silver chain belt and a tight baby blue shirt with 'I heart Cows' written on the front. He has short black spiky hair and weird square shaped glasses.

"It's ok. I'm Matt Ezzo. I'm a transfer student here from Jamaica," says Matt as he tries to get a better look at Taryn. Her long black hair had subtle emerald green highlights and was held in a high ponytail. She was wearing tall black lace up boots, black flair jeans and a black corset style top. Around her neck was a pentagram choker and on her left hand were three rings "and you are?"

Taryn extends her hand out and says, "I'm Taryn Snape. I'm transferring from Japan; Tokyo to be exact," they shake hands, "we had better hurry and find an empty car. Let me help with that," referring to the trunks on the ground. She pulls out her wand and shrinks the trunks.

"Thanks. Now lets go." the two of them walk towards the nearest door and get on the train. As they walk through the train corridor two girls come towards them. One is dressed in the typical Hogwarts girl uniform and the other girl is dressed in an odd black and red Egyptian style harem outfit (Think Ishzu from Yu-gi-oh, which I do not own).

Upon recognizing each other Taryn and Mel bowed to each other before they both emitted a high pitched screech and furiously hugged each other. Once they broke apart Taryn asks, "Mel, who's the chick?"

Mel responds with a hint of sarcasm, "This lovely specimen of innocence is my new friend, whom I will begin to corrupt immediately, Who's your new boy-toy?"

Taryn turns beat red, "HE IS NOT MY BOY TOY!!!!!! You know full well exactly who my 'boy-toy' actually is."

Matt buts in with, "I'm Matt Ezzo. I'm transferring from The Jamaican Institute of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Jamaica. And you are?" looking at Mel and Sam.

"I am Melissa Kai Lucifer Gabriel Jones. And I'm from The Egyptian Academy of Witchcraft in Alexandria."

"No need to get all fancy on us Mel. It's not like I use my full name when introducing myself." Mel glares at Taryn and then proceeds to stick her tongue out at her.

Sam says, "I'm Samantha Dumbledore. All my friends call me Sam. I am a transfer student from the Salem Witches Institute in the US," she turns to Taryn, "who are you?"

"I'm Taryn Selene Athena Diana Lunaria Michelle Snape. What now Mel! I just out did you! Any way I transferred from the Tokyo Advanced Academy of Sorcery." Taryn sticks her tongue out at Mel, who glares back.

"Cool beans. Now have you guys found a compartment yet?" asks Matt.

"No, but as luck would have it, Matt, we have stopped in front of an empty compartment," responds Mel as she points at the compartment. They file in and throw their things on the luggage racks above the seats. Just as they sit down the train starts to move.

As the train leaves the station, Matt and Sam start playing a game of gob stones. Mel turns to Taryn and asks, "How have you been since the last time we committed mischief and mayhem?"

Taryn shrugs and says, "You know, same old stuff. I really wanna get this ride over with. I'm so friggin' bored already. I can't wait to see him. It's been about 2 months since we were last together."

Mel gives Taryn a look with the raised eyebrow "Does 'HE' even know you're coming?"

Taryn smirks evilly, "No. I wanted to surprise him."

"What kind of surprise did you have in mind?"

"Well…I don't know. I was thinking about-" Taryn was cut off by Mel covering her mouth.

"Don't even go there. I don't need those kinds of images. It's bad enough I still have those images from when I accidentally walked in on you two during that tournament in Tokyo last year."

"Oh that was you? No wonder you couldn't look me straight in the eye during our duel that day."

They continue to reminisce about the past until the door slides open with three students standing on the other side. The one with bushy hair asks, "Can we sit with you? Every where else is full." Mel nods and the trio walks in and sits down. The bushy haired one breaks the silence with "I'm Hermione Granger. OH! You must be the transfer students the prefects were told about. So where are you guys from?"

The four of them shrink back from her as the red head says, "Don't worry about her she gets over anxious at things like this. I'm Ronald Weasley."

The third one says, "I'm Harry Potter.' The trio looks at the four transfer students for some kind of reaction to meeting the Boy-Who-Lived, 'And you all are?"

"I'm Matt--" He gets cut off by Hermione.

"Oh My God! You're Matt Ezzo, The Best Cow Herder in Jamaica!!!" Matt blushes and nods.

"I'm Samantha Dumble--" She also got cut off by Hermione.

"Oh Great Merlin! You're Samantha Dumbledore, Professor Dumbledore's granddaughter." Sam nods.

Mel says slyly, "Sammy's blushing!"

Sam says, "No I'm not," when she really was.

"I'm Melissa Kai Lucifer Gabriel Jones"

Ron screeches like a little girl "Oh My God!!! Your – oh," he faints.

Mel turns to Harry and asks, "Does he always do that?" Harry shakes his head and then helps Hermione wake up Ron.

Harry then turns to Taryn asking, "And your name is?"

"I'm Taryn Selene---"

Once again Ron cuts her off saying, "Your Taryn Chase, The Best Duelist in all of Japan. She's even beaten Yugi Moto and Seto Kaiba."

Taryn coughs and says, "The name ain't Chase anymore. It's Snape. It's Taryn Selene Athena Diana Lunaria Michelle Snape. I really hate it when people get it wrong because they don't pay attention to the news!!"

Mel says, " You must hate people often then don't you?" Taryn glares at Mel.

Silence fills the car at the revelation of Taryn's name. The jaws of the golden trio drop to the floor. All that goes through their heads is, 'Mental note: Never and I mean NEVER insult Snape in front of her.'

Hermione breaks the silence by asking, "How exactly are you related to Professor Snape?"

Taryn is about to answer her daring question when Mel jumps in and says, "He's her boy toy, her lover, her teacher, her--"

Taryn elbows Mel in the ribs and says, "Shut up Mel." After she covers Mel's mouth with her hand she continues, "He's my husband." She raises her hand for Hermione to see her wedding band and engagement ring. "Please don't tell everyone and their mouth. We're trying to keep it on the down low. This is your one and only warning."

Ron pales and faints while Harry pales and looks extremely sick. Hermione, excited, asks, "Really! That's so cool. What's he like when he's not in greasy git mode."

Just as it comes out of her mouth Hermione gasps. She quickly covers her mouth and is about to apologize when Taryn laughs, well more like cackling according to Mel, and says, " It's cool. I know how he can be in the classroom. You can speak frankly about him to me. Just don't over do it. Remember, he is my husband. Anyway, he's a pretty decent guy once you get to know him and once he opens up to people. Not to mention..." She continues while whispering something in Hermione's ear making her turn 'Weasley' red.

Hermione gasps and pulls back before covering her mouth and saying, "No really?!" Taryn nods, much to Hermione's shock and awe. Soon the new group of friends started talking about things like school, Quiddich, and other things of little or no consequence.

Four hours later the intercom goes off announcing that the train would be arriving shortly at the platform in Hogsmede and that all students should be changing into robes. The girls kick the guys out of their cabin so they can change into their uniforms. 10 minutes later the guys return to find all the girls dressed in the girls uniform except for Mel who was wearing the guys uniform- she refused to wear the skirt- and Taryn whose shirt and sweater were 2 sizes too small and a skirt that was also a bit too short.

Upon arriving at the station all the students file out of the train and split into two groups; the first years who followed a large giant like figure to the boats and the others who were heading to the horseless carriages. The transfer group was the last on the platform. Not sure which way to go Mel asks to no one in particular, "To follow the older students or not to follow the older students? That is the question."

Sam responds, " Seeing as how being older doesn't always mean they're better…"

Taryn responds non-chalantly "That's not true. Of all the people I've--"

Mel puts her hand over Taryn's mouth silencing her and preventing her from continuing her statement, "We really don't need to know about your past personal ventures and we don't need the details of your marriage bed."

"Well sorry. I was just trying to make a point. You don't have to do that every time I say something that you don't like."

Matt sighs, "Look lets take the last carriage that seems to be waiting for us."

Plzzzz read and review. Comments, concerns, questions, snide remarks, or flames at my bad writing welcome. Or drop a line in ur review. I have a lot of the story already written I just need to type it up.

The next chapter should be up soon.


	2. The Sorting of Friends

Disclaimer: See first chapter cuz I'm lazy and I don't feel like retyping it.

_Last time:_

_Matt sighs, "Look lets take the last carriage that seems to be waiting for us."_

Ch 2 The Sorting of friends

We go over to the remaining carriage and all but one notice it has nothing pulling it. We get inside and notice a man and his dog are already inside. As the carriage pulls off Mel breaks the silence and asks him, "Who are you? Are you a professor here this year?"

The man nods and says, "Yes I am. My name is Professor R .J. Lupin, and I am returning to be the Defense against the Dark Arts Teacher this year." The large black lab, which has been quietly lying on the floor, suddenly jumps on the seat with Taryn, Mel, and Sam are sitting. He rubs his head against Taryn's hand, and she obliges him by scratching his head. "And this as you can plainly see is my black lab, Snuffles."

"He's so cute and adorable." Taryn exclaims as she gets licked by Snuffles.

"He loves beautiful women," The girls blush at their professor's statement. "It's true. He's a bit of a horn dog like that and I doubt he will ever change."

"It's ok professor. He is as you say incorrigible." responds Sam

The rest of the ride up to the castle is filled with idol chat of the year to come; between the students of course, no professor would be involved in idol gossip. Once the carriage stops Snuffles jumps off the ladies and runs out the door before Professor Lupin can even open it, "A bit anxious to be at the castle isn't he?" Lupin remarks. The girls and Matt follow the professor out of the carriage and up to the castle where a stern looking woman, the transfers can only assume is Professor McGonagall from the description the golden trio gave, is waiting.

"Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am Professor McGonagall. I hope you all had a safe journey and if you four,' looking at the young students, 'would follow me I shall lead you to the great hall. Professor Lupin you may send your things to your quarters and join the rest of the professors in the Great hall," states McGonagall before ushering the group off.

She brings them to the infamous first year staircase and gives her normal speech before leaving. Once McGonagall is out of sight the whole group of students begin talking about what is going to happen to them. Mel turns to Taryn and says in a hushed tone so only they can hear each other ,"I can't wait to see the look on old Snapes' face when you are being sorted. It's going to be classic and YouTube worthy."

Taryn rolls her eyes and says, "No it won't. He knows better then to blow up in front of the entire school at me. He's much more controlled then you tend to give him credit for."

Mel laughs and says, "Sure that's why he nearly had a coronary at the wedding when you had decided it was a good idea to accepted Lucius's offer for a dance."

Taryn glares at Mel, "So what? Just because he can be the jealous type doesn't mean he has no control over his emotions."

"That may be so but he at least saw Lucius ask you. In this case you are showing up out of the blue and without warning. I highly doubt he will be able to take this lightly," counters Mel.

"Guys please stop this needless arguing," says Sam trying to break up a possible fight. "The first years are going in now. It's only a matter of time till we are being sorted."

Taryn retorts with, "Yea right. Did you pay any attention as to how many there were,' receives no response, 'It's going to take all bloody night for them to be sorted."

Thirty minutes later McGonagall comes out and retrieves the band of students and escorts them in. As they walk in Mel leans into Taryn and whispers something incoherently and points up to the head table at Snape, who has been watching the group since they set foot in the hall. Considering the group decided to come in with their hoods up one would not be surprised at his actions. Upon reaching the platform Minerva walks up to her previous position and continues to read names from her long scroll.

"Matt Ezzo."

Matt walks up to the hat and pulls his hood down so McGonagall can put the hat on his head. Both the male and female population of the school start to whisper about the hooded figures. One voice in particular from the Gryffindor table can be heard saying, "If the rest of that group are as sexy has he is why must they keep their hoods up?"

The group smirks at this. Before long the hat exclaims "GRYFFENDOR!" Matt removes the hat, kind of upset knowing he will be the only one in the group in this house, but he puts on a happy face and head over to his new house mates.

"Samantha Dumbledore."

Sam walks up to the hat and removes her hood as she sits to be sorted. The hall which was silent is now filled with murmurs of speculation as to how this girl is related to their headmaster, if they are even in fact related. In a matter of seconds the hat proclaims "RAVENCLAW!" Sam removes the hat and goes over to her new house.

"Melissa Jones."

Mel goes to the hat and even before she can remove her hood so the hat may sit upon her head it screams, "Keep me away from that girl,' as it curls away from her into Minerva's hand, 'I can feel scary and evil thoughts from her." Mel smirks as she walks over to the stool and sits down.

Minerva places the unwilling hat upon her head "I don't want to look into your head. I can feel the mischievous thoughts oozing from it. I may not like this but let's see what we have here, I can sense lots of power and it's very dark and evil. You are vey sarcastic and witty as well as being fiercely loyal to those who you care about………..You could do well in Gryff--"

Mel takes off the hat and throws it down upon the ground yelling and cursing in Arabic, "…I WILL NOT BE PLACED IN THAT HOUSE!!!!!..." and she reverts back to Arabic.

Taryn runs up to Mel and try's to calm her down in Japanese. After what seems like forever Mel picks the hat up and goes back to the stool and places the hat back on her head which yells, "SLYTHERIN!" She takes the hat off her head, practically throws the hat back to Minerva and walks over the table that seems to be clapping quite calmly.

And finally she calls the name "Taryn Chase."

Taryn walks up to the hat which is placed upon her hooded head. It says to her, 'Interesting…very interesting. I see vast knowledge of the ancient ways and very loyal. You could do well in either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw; that is if you did not have a mouth that could shock a sailor.' She smirks at this.

While this is going on the hall is in its own discussions and debates about these new transfer students. Then after about five minutes the hat shouts, "SLYTHERIN!" Mel gets up and hoots and hollers for her friend who comes over to the table.

Once they are seated Dumbledore rises and begins his speech. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts or for some your first and others your last years with us. As you can see we have been fortunate to have these four students transfer to our school so let's help them become accustomed and acquainted to our school. I would also like to present our returning Defense against the Dark Arts teacher Professor R. J. Lupin. As some of you may be aware Professor Lupin left us two years ago due to a problem of a wolfish nature, but do not be alarmed he will not be teaching during that time of the month, we will have a replacement teacher for that period of time. Now Mr. Flitch would like me to remind you that the Forbidden Forest is still just that, forbidden, to all students' looks pointedly at golden trio, 'and for the list of banned items you may go to his office or just consult a WWW catalogue. Now let's eat."

Mel turns to Taryn and says, "Taryn, there was a voice in my head that wasn't one of the usual voices I hear. But it's gone now."

"That's good isn't it?"

"But….but the voices keep me company and now I'm all alone….'hangs head and sighs 'OH Well!!' She perks up instantly and screams 'PUDDING!!!!!!!" There is silence through out the great hall momentarily before everyone returns to their conversations and meals.

After dinner Dumbledore excuses everyone to head back to their dorms. Just as Mel and Taryn are leaving the Great Hall, Professor Snape grabs the backs of both of their cloaks halting them in their tracks. He leans over and says to them, "Meet me in my office in twenty minutes. I'm sure you know the way there Taryn' he whispered that last part, 'The password is Koibito." And with that he leaves the girls standing there.

The girls immediately head for their head of house's office. They come to the portrait covering the door. It depicts a man and a woman who look quite familiar to both girls. The man is dressed in really fancy dress robes that are black with green and silver snakes around the edges while the woman is in a long emerald green dress. The top part seems to be done in a corset style and the bottom hangs from it in a slightly fitted way. Her black hair is done back in a bun and she is wearing a silver pentagram with emeralds at the points. The couple looks to be really happy and extremely in love with one another.

Mel realizing who the couple is says, "I don't remember you wearing a green dress for your wedding."

Taryn sighs and responds with, "I didn't. This was done after the honeymoon. It is our official portrait that was supposed to hang in the foyer of the manner but since we don't spend much time there Sev obviously decided to have it here guarding his office. Let's go in before he gets antsy. Koibito." with that the portrait of the newly wedded Snapes swings open and allows the ladies entry into Severus' office.

As they come in the office Professor Snape beckons them over to the desk and motions for them to have a seat. Just as they're sitting Mel says, "Love the portrait of you and the Misses. But don't you think people will notice the resemblance and say something to Dumbledore?"

Sev responds with, "Thank you for your concern but that is none of your concern. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if the old man knew already. But that's not why you're here toni—"

"Of course it isn't professor. You asked us hear because you missed your wife and you couldn't wait for the chance to shag her senseless since you saw her in the great hall." Mel finishes with a giant grin on her face.

"MEL!!!!" Taryn screams.

"Ms. Jones, that was unnecessary and definitely NONE of your business. You are here so you can sort out your schedules."

"Fine then tell us almighty bat of the dungeons what classes do we have to take."

Snape glares at her till Taryn gives him a look that tells him to not blow up. "You both will be taking the main core classes along with two electives."

Before Mel can respond Taryn says, "Care of Magical Creature and Divination."

Mel "Yea, fuzzy creatures to pet and love!!!"

"Right, while I know the both of you are much farther then the students in your year I still expect you both to do exceptionally well and be the best in all your classes."

Taryn smirks, "Sure Sev, what ever you say. Does that mean you'll give me extra lessons in potions??" Sev looks away from his wife as Mel gives them a dirty look.

"We'll discuss that some other time when we wont be disturbed,' Taryn smirks and Mel makes a gagging motion and Snape ignores her, 'But for now it's time for you both to return to your dorms for the night and you shall receive your schedules in the morning like everyone else. Goodnight ladies"

"Goodnight Professor" says the girls as they get up and head out.

As they get out the door Mel asks Taryn, "Why didn't you protest him sending you back to the dorms? I expected you to complain and wanna stay with him."

"I do wanna stay with him but I want him to want it as well. I'll be back in a bit. Start heading back to the dorms." With that Taryn heads back inside and Mel shakes her head and walks off in the direction of the dorms slowly.

Taryn re-enters the office to find it empty, 'Figures' she thought 'He probably went to his chambers to read a book or something. Now if I could only remember which book on the shelf is used to open the door.' She starts to pull on the books trying to find the right one. "Ah...here it is,' she says as she pulls the book, "I can't believe he took my copy of Lady Sheba's Grimoire. I was always wondering where that went." The shelf slides out of the way and she walks in to her husband's quarters.

Upon hearing the secret door from his office open, Severus comments, "It took you long enough to get here. I figured you be here faster seeing as we haven't seen each other in, what's it been, two months," not even looking up from the book he was reading.

Taryn scowls as she heads over to her husband on the couch, "I would have been here faster but I had to let Mel head back and cover for me and figure out which book got me back here,' She takes the book from Severus and puts it on the coffee table behind her, 'You could have asked to borrow the book you know. I would have said yes." She places her hands on her hips as Sev crosses his arms. "Yes it has been two months since we last saw each other and it's been even longer since you were last in my bed." She says the last bit as she straddles her husband's waist and wraps her arms around his neck while laying her head on his shoulder.

Sev pulls her against his chest as he wraps his arms around her, "I misses you too Taryn. I'm sorry for treating you kind of coldly in the office but I need to get used to treating you like everyone else. You wouldn't want me to slip up,' Taryn snorts, 'Yes know like I would mess up, but you get the point." He lifts her chin and he kisses his wife with all the passion and love he can muster.

They are kissing for the longest time when Taryn breaks the kiss for air and says, "See you in class tomorrow, Professor." She kisses Sev's nose and bolts out of the room leaving Severus there before he realizes what just happened and heads after her.

Down the hall Mel is leaning up against a pillar waiting for Taryn. By the time she gets there Mel has cleaned her nails twice and has the song "Like a Boy" by Ciara stuck in her head. As Taryn approaches, Mel says, "Well that didn't take as long as I thought. I figured you would have at least been another twenty minutes. You always like to leave him wanting more"

"Damn straight." Responds Taryn.

"That is unless they decide to stalk you down the hallway and kitty-nap you anyway." Mel retorts when she notices Severus standing behind Taryn. At this Taryn turns around and shutters at the look on her husband's face as he picks her up, throws her over his shoulder and carries her away to his rooms. "Have fun tonight guys, take it easy on her Professor she's got class tomorrow!" Snape turns and glares at her before heading away. Mel shrugs and heads back to the dorms.

The next morning

Mel and Draco are sitting at the table eating breakfast when Draco asks, "Where is Taryn? She was with you last night when I last saw you."

Mel shrugs, "Well Draco I would love to tell you where Taryn is but there are some things that even I don't wanna know."

Not five minutes later, Taryn walks into the Great Hall looking slightly disheveled and smirking evilly as she walks over to Mel and Draco. She sits down and begins to fill her plate up with food when Professor Snape comes through the doors also looking disheveled and with an unusual smirk on his face. The entire hall stops what they're doing and looks at him in shock because Professor Snape has always been known to be on time so when he walks in late it's a moment for the record books. He stalks up to the head table and begins to eat.

"I guess that answers your question Draco. If that doesn't answer it than I don't know what will."

"Have you guys been betting where I've been all night??" inquires Taryn

"No," respond Mel as she bows her head and twiddles her thumbs. "We were betting on where you were this morning.' She sighs, 'Besides I know better. I learned my lesson last time."

Draco says, "Don't tell me. There are just some things my mind just shouldn't know."

The Hogwarts Staff Table at the same time

Snape sits down at the table and starts loading up his plate with breakfast food and his cup with coffee. Just as he is about to start eating Minerva asks, "Severus, you look very content this morning. What ever happened last night to put you in such a good mood?"

Sarcastically he responds with, "The Dark Lord and Harry Potter are both dead."

"But Severus, Mister Potter is sitting right down there at Gryffindor table," retorts Minerva taking his comment seriously.

"Don't go ruining my good mood Minerva."

"Yes, of course not, your good moods are few and far between, very far between." Severus glares at Minerva.

Lupin, having a great sense of smell recognizes the familiar sent but cannot place it, comments "But Minerva you should ask **WHO** put him in such a good mood."

Severus glare at Lupin, "I suggest you shut up Lupin, before I nail your hide to my office door with the Slytherin Crest painted on the back."

"You wouldn't really skin me alive, would you Severus?" asks Lupin sweetly while batting his eyes.

"Of course not,' Lupin lets out the breath he was holding, 'after all half way through the skinning you would most likely die from blood loss so it really wouldn't be really skinning you alive now would it?"

Minerva sighs, "Well, Severus was in a good mood. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted."

Plzzzz read and review. Comments, concerns, questions, snide remarks, or flames at my bad writing welcome. I would also like a beta, if any one is interested just email me. Or drop a line in ur review. I have a lot of the story already written I just need to type it up.

The next chapter should be up soon.


	3. Classes Ensue

Gem Of The Stars-I'm glad u liked it that much. Just wait till u see what antics ensue……u might need another inhaler.

Disclaimer: See chapter 1 too damn lazy to rewrite it

_Last Chapter:_

"Of course not,' Lupin lets out the breath he was holding, 'after all halfway through the skinning you would most likely die from blood loss so it really wouldn't be really skinning you alive, now would it?"

Minerva sighs "Well, Severus was in a good mood. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted."

Chapter 3 Classes ensue…….

~~~Potions Class Monday Morning~~~

After breakfast all the students headed off to their morning classes; the fifth year Slytherin and Gryffindor students heading to Potions in the dungeons with Professor Snape. All the students are sitting patiently waiting for their menacing (though none would say that to his face) Professor to appear. After the bell sounding the start of classes rings Professor Severus Snape enters the class in his typical (over)dramatic fashion.

Professor Snape heads up to the front of the class before turning and surveying the class. It's obviously divided by house except for his wife and her friends who were sitting front and center. He begins class, "This will be the last year that I shall be forced to teach many of you dunderheads potions. Though I don't know how some of you have made it even thus far,' glares at Harry and Longbottom pointedly, 'I will only take the best of the best into my NEWTS class. So for most of you that means I will no longer have to deal with your incompetency. But alas we still have another year before I will be free of most of you so let's begin."

Snape turns around and waves his hand at the board and the potion for the class appears, "For the First term we shall be studying Strengthening Solutions. Today we shall be brewing a potion that is commonly found on your exam in June, The Draught of Peace. It is used to calm anxiety and sooth agitation. If you are not careful you may end up putting the drinker into a deep or even irreversible sleep so pay attention to what you're doing. Directions are on the board and ingredients are in the cupboard as usual.

"Begin,' Mel raises her hand, 'Yes Ms. Jones," Responds Severus before muttering, "This will not end well."

"Can this be used as a sexual lubricant," Questions Mel. The entire class freezes and goes silent at her question. They turn to Professor Snape waiting for the answer.

"Return to work all of you,' he bellows 'No it can't Ms Jones."

"Oh …..Ok. Is this Love potion #9?" The muggle born students start snickering as the pure bloods, many of them having no clue as to what Mel was talking about, just gave her weird looks.

"No, we just covered what the potion is."

"Oh well then….Can this be used as a sexual lubricant??"

"NO"

"Then are--" She gets cut off by Severus

"No this is not love potion #9!!"

"Um ok.' Mel turns to Taryn and mock whispers, 'I was gonna ask if he was a vampire but since he's being piss-y I'll just ask you. Do you know, Taryn?"

Taryn turns to Mel and gives her a dirty look before smacking her upside the head ignoring the shout of 'Mel Abuse' and responding, "I'm not dignifying that with a response."

Through all this 'Mel abuse' Severus had retreated to the front of the room and was currently sitting at his desk rubbing his temples muttering, "Just think happy thoughts. Don't kill the students; or your wife; or her friends even though they really deserve it. Just think happy thoughts – like Potter dying and Voldemort in a tutu singing the nutcracker in the Great Hall. And Dumbledore chocking on his goddamn candy. And Minerva-" Severus' 'happy thoughts' are interrupted by Harry's not so quiet question.

"Why would she know if Snape was a vampire?" Harry asked as they started to get his potions ingredients.

"You don't remember do you?" Hermione said in her usual you-forgot-something-important-again tone of voice.

"Remember what?" Ron questioned having not been paying attention thus far.

'sigh' "On the first day on the train she admitted to being married to Snape. Honestly. Boys!" Hermione said

"SNAPE'S MARRRIED?" Harry and Ron both shouted before Ron fainted.

Silence reins as everyone in the classroom stares at the Golden Trio and a jar breaks.

Taryn turns to Mel as Hermione tries to revive Ron, "Was that necessary?"

Mel looks down to the broken glass in front of her where she purposely dropped a jar and then looks at Taryn and replies, "Um…not really but it sounded cool didn't it?"

"Of course it sounded cool Mel. But now you just wasted a valuable potion ingredient." Taryn chastised.

"Oh. No I didn't. It's just essence of Unicorn. We can easily get another Unicorn to piss again. It's not like I dropped a jar of blood and now your husband is going to lick it off the gro-OW!! You didn't need to hit me. That's Mel Abuse." Mel rubbed the back of her head where Taryn had hit her.

After waking Ron up and screaming at the students to continue their potions making Severus stomped towards his wife and her friend. "Was there a point in dropping the jar, Ms. Jones?"

Mel quickly looks between Taryn and Severus multiple times before inquiring, "Do you two have ESPN or something 'cause Taryn just asked me that not even five seconds ago?' Mel quickly looks between them again, 'and if you do have ESPN then you'd know…Did the 69ers win last night?"

"69 always wins." Came a reply from the Slytherin side of the room. All students, including Snape turn towards the speaker. "or so I heard…"

Severus turns back towards Mel and says, "I just can't have a normal class with you in it can I?"

"Normal? What's normal?"

"Isn't that a cycle on the washing machine?" Taryn asks.

"Oooohhhhhh!!!!! Rinse Cycle!!! Everyone strip!!!" Mel screams out to the entire class.

"DETENTION MS. JONES! AND GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW!!!" Snape bellows in rage as he contemplates forcibly removing Mel from his classroom via potions and/or not so forgivable curses.

"Fine,' Mel responds as she grabs her things and walks to the door, 'Professor may I say something before I leave?"

Severus pinches the bridge of his nose, "If it will get you out of my classroom faster then yes, but make it brief." As he still contemplates all manners of illegalness towards his wife's friend.

Mel, who will later have blamed all these antics on having eaten a lot of Swedish Fish (A/N: I don't own that although the person who does is a rich SOB) that morning, says, "Professor I think you're taking yourself way too seriously and you need to take that stick, which is obviously quite huge, out of your ass.' She nods briefly at Taryn, 'That's rules 14, 42, and 46. Three down, 47 to go. All on you, Taryn," before bolting out of the class room.

The students were silent in shock as Severus addresses the class, "If any of you even think of duplicating or pulling a similar stunt like that,' looks pointedly at Gryffindors, 'You will not like the end result. Now get on with your potion." A massive death glare is sent to the class.

"Ms. Chase, a word please.' Taryn goes to his desk with him, 'Can you not keep a tighter reign on your friends?"

"Can you not keep a tighter reign on your students??" Taryn retorts as Severus glares at her.

~~~Divination~~~

An hour later Mel, Taryn, and Sam find themselves up in the North Tower for Divination. Upon entering the room, they are bombarded with twenty different aromas coming from the many sticks of incense being burnt around the room. They find the closest table to the door while still being able to her their teacher talk. Just as they sit Professor Trelawney enters the room.

"Welcome my children, to the noble art of Divination. It is nice to finally see you once again in the physical realm or, for some, the first. I am Professor Trelawney."

Mel leans into Taryn, "Does that mean she's seen us in her dreams??"

Taryn whispers back "Shut up Mel. I really don't want to think about that."

"Good point"

Professor Trelawney continues, "This term we shall be interpreting dreams this semester, for our dreams help us to….."

Mel whispers to Taryn, "Don't even think about it Taryn, The answer is NO!!"

"But-"

"No we don't need her to be any more' weird hand motions 'eccentric than she already is."

Taryn sighs and says, "Fine."

Sam buts in with, "Shut up you two. I'm trying to listen."

Mel raises her eyebrow and says, "You're trying to listen to this crackpot wanna be seer?!?!?"

Sam retorts, "Yes I am. I am a very studious child so shut up I wanna listen," as she hits Mel with a note book.

Mel covers the back of her head and says "Mel abuse, Mel abuse!! She only does it because she loves us, but it's still abuse. Mel abuse!!!"

Sam glares at Mel and says, "You're not being quiet!!"

"Silent as the grave,' Mel says before she makes a zippering motion over her mouth 'don't hurt me"

Professor Trelawney tells the class to begin analyzing their most recent dreams before going around the room observing the students. As she comes over to the transfer students she says, "Is anything wrong over here. I have not foreseen any difficulties, but as we all know the future is ever changing and evolving."

Sam turns to Professor Trelawney and says sweetly, "No, of course not Professor. We were just wondering how a seer as powerful as your self came about your powers and how you came to teach here." Mel and Taryn nod vigorously hoping not to get on Sam's bad side.

Professor Trelawney begins, in a loud voice, to tell the story to the class, "Oh well it was many years ago when I was a young girl…….."

Sam turns to Mel and Taryn, "Now be quiet or I will be forced to harm you more." Mel's eyes go wide and she shakes her head and doesn't make a sound.

Taryn sighs, "Fine but I don't see the point in listening to a crackpot seer like her-,' Sam chucked a massive book at Taryn which hit her square in the back of the head when she tried to duck to avoid it, 'OWW, that hurt. Fine I'll shut up. No wonder Severus says I need to find better friends,' upon seeing the looks on Mel's and Sam's faces 'What? That's his opinion not mine."

~~~After Divinations~~~

Mel, Taryn and Sam met up with Matt in the halls on their way to their next class, Defense Against the Dark Arts. Mel asks aloud, "Who wants to skip DADA?? Cuz I don't know about you guys but I definitely don't need to go."

Sam says, "We have to go it's the first day Mel. We have to show up for the first day." Matt nods in agreement with Sam.

"While I see your point Sam, I have to agree with Mel. I really don't need to go to the class. If what I've heard is true, then I already know this shit and therefore have no need to go to class." Taryn counters.

"Fine,' Sam huffs, 'don't go to class. See if I care. Come on Matt, let's go get an education." Sam and Matt head off to class and leave Mel and Taryn standing there.

"Typical Ravenclaw, obsessed with books and classes. AND I ALREADY HAVE A EDJUMACATION!' Mel screams to Sam before turning to Taryn, 'So what are we gonna do now. We still have 10 minutes till class….LET'S GO BOTHER SNAPE!!"

"Wait that sounds eerily familiar, yet I have no idea where it's from….." Taryn comments, slightly creeped out.

"I have no idea either but if he Avada Kedavra's us in the middle of Hogwarts I think Dumbles will notice."

"Yea but at least Sev won't pick our pockets."

Mel turns to Taryn, "Do I want to know where that came from?"

"Probably not. Especially since I'm not even sure where it came from." With that the girls head down to the dungeons.

~~~Potions Classroom~~~

Severus Snape is sitting behind his desk, snarling as he grades some essays. He is so engrossed in the snide remarks he is giving the essay he's currently grading that he doesn't notice the two people who just entered the room. They walk to the front and just as he finishes the essay one of the two slams their hands down on the desk and says "GOOD MORNING Snapy--" the other one covers the her friends mouth not allowing her to finish her thought.

"Good morning Severus,' Taryn glares at Mel, 'don't even think about finishing that sentence."

Mel responds smartly when Taryn removes her hand, "Too late, already thought about it," as she grins at Taryn.

"Don't you two have a class to go to?" Snape asks before Taryn has the chance to hit Mel. Again.

"Yes, but that doesn't actually mean we'll actually go to the class."

"Yea,' Mel injects, 'We figured that if we have to go to a class, we might as well go to a class that we'll actually learn something in."

Snape asks, "You won't learn anything in the class you are supposed to be at?" He gets up out of his chair and comes around to the front of the class room and sits to the edge of the desk while crossing his arms.

"Of course not, you know that Mel and I are much farther in our defense studies than these little morons. Hell you said it yourself, Severus, I could go for my masters in defense if I wasn't still in school."

"Just because you two are at a higher level than the rest of your class mates doesn't mean you can skip the first day of class."

"_Au Contre_, I do believe that is exactly what it means, Love." Taryn retorts as if challenging him to respond.

"In any case, since we don't see the point in going to class we decided to come "bother" you instead. Besides the first day of class is always lectures and those are boring." Mel adds.

"Fine, you can stay as long as you don't cause too much trouble." Severus gets off the desk and walks back around to his chair and returns to grading.

Taryn goes around the desk, comes up behind Severus and starts to rub his shoulders. She leans down and whispers something in his ear causing Severus to smack his head on the desk, causing Mel to laugh.

~~~After DADA~~~

"That was boring. As much as I love Professor Lupin, I really hate first-day-back lectures. And his was the worst so far. I mean his class was the coolest the last time he was here. What Happened?" Ron asked his companions

"It's probably because last time his secret wasn't out and he's worried that if he makes even the tinniest mistake that parents will be owling the headmaster clamoring for his sacking." Hermione responded.

"Maybe but I'm not sure about that,' Harry added, 'he just seemed really distracted like he had other things on his mind."

"I don't know but what ever it is he better get over it quick because I really want to have fun and interesting lessons with him."

" Ron, did you notice those two transfers that got put in Slytherin weren't there today?" Hermione asks.

"Yea I noticed that but who cares. They're just Slytherins; they were probably off doing Death Eater things." Ron shrugged, barely worried.

"Not all Slytherins are Death Eaters, Ron. And in case you forgot there have been Gryffindors who have been Death Eaters too." Harry spat back.

"They are so Death Eaters I mean look at that Taryn chick, she's married to Snape and we all know that the great black bat of the dungeons is a Death Eater."

"Ron, she isn't a Death Eater. Her forearm had no Dark Mark on it when we met her on the train yesterday and quite frankly neither does Mel."

"Harry what's wrong with you? You're defending the snakes. Have you gone mental?" Ron asks as they stop moving.

"No I haven't Ron,' Harry yells back as a crowd starts to form, 'I'm only telling it like it is. You can't go around accusing people of things without proof."

"Proof? What proof do I need? Everyone knows that all Slytherins are evil and are Death Eaters in training."

Harry stunned by this revelation looks down because tears are threatening to fall (why?). All the students are stunned that the Golden Boy of Gryffindor is actually defending the Slytherins. One Slytherin in particular is starting to see another side of the boy that he never knew existed.

Harry responds in a weak voice, "Is that really how you feel Ron? Hermione?"

"Yes it is." Ron responds smugly

Hermione a little hesitant responds "Harry please don't make me choose. Can't we take this someplace else?"

Harry looks up and says, "No we can't take this someplace else. I want to know Hermione.' She nods, 'Figures. Then I'm ashamed to be a Gryffindor,' by this time some of the professors have shown up as have our missing Slytherins, 'I guess I should have listened to the sorting hat instead of arguing with it. If being in Gryffindor means being narrow minded then I wanna go to the house the hat thought I should have been in."

Out of no where Draco Malfoy asks, "Oh really Potter what house might that be then, Hufflepuff?"

"Slytherin of course." Harry says as he walks toward the Great Hall for lunch, leaving an extremely stunned audience in his wake. And one person decides to follow him.

~~~With Potter~~~

Harry, now at least 3 halls away from everyone, begins to realize that he just told about half the school that the hat wanted him in Slytherin. Deciding that no one will come this way he sits against the wall and as he starts to cry. As he's crying he doesn't notice a certain blonde headed boy sit down next to him

"Never saw that coming. Never thought I would ever hear that you in any way belonged in Slytherin. But if you think about it, it is quite ingenious. Only a Slytherin could convince the hat to put him else where. Don't you think?"

Harry looks up, surprised to see Malfoy sitting next to him. He wipes his eyes with his cloak and asks, "What do you want Malfoy? To make me feel even worse then I already do? I've just practically ruined any chance of being accepted as Harry and not "The Boy Who Lived". No one will want anything to do with me now." With that Harry begins to cry again.

Draco, beginning to feel bad for Harry, puts his arms around him and tries to make him feel better by saying, "That's not true. I want to be friends with you. Remember first year?"

Harry pulls away from Draco and says, while still sobbing, "Really? You still wanna be friends with me after all the things we've said and done to each other?" Draco nods and Harry hugs him.

After calming down a bit more Draco helps Harry up and extends his hand to Harry saying, "Hi I'm Draco."

Harry smiles at him and shakes his hand and says, "I'm Harry." And with that shake a new friendship was born.

Plzzz read and review………………..by the by if u have never read 50 rules of Hogwarts you might not get some jokes or references but you don't have to read it to understand the plot. If you want to know what rules 14, 42, and 46 are I'll put them in Chapter 4. By the by I have no idea what essence of unicorn really is but it is unnecessary to know for this story to be funny. Just enjoy the stupidity. And if my French is wrong…….sue me cuz I haven't had French since 2003.

Henio


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